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Lead Management vs. Boss Management
Goal Setting vs Intention
Word of the Year
2014 - Time for a New Vision?
Dear Stress, Let's Break Up...

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Lead Management vs. Boss Management

"The better we know someone and the more we like about what we know, the harder we will work for that person." - W. Edwards Deming

In Choice Theory terms, we will work hard for:

  1. Those we care about and who care about us (love and belonging).
  2. Those we respect and who respect us (power).
  3. Those who allow us to think for ourselves and provide us with choices (freedom).
  4. Those with whom we laugh (fun).
  5. Those who provide us with the conditions for physical and emotional security (survival).

Goal Setting vs Intention

Goal Setting vs. Intention
Goals imply a specific outcome and the word is loaded with ideas of effort, of life sacrifice, struggle and disappointment. Goals seem - and often are - mercenary.  I’d like to wipe the slate clean of everywhere that I have used the word goal and replace it with “intention.”
Goals shrink your life to a very narrow hallway with only one door at the end. Intention leaves the door open to the unlimited. Goals are separated from purpose. Intention is infused with purpose.
Goals are not always healthy, sane or rooted in reality.  When people want to hire me to make a specific thing happen with their life  – like the woman who wanted to manipulate to get a specific man to start talking to her again - I have to turn them down.  Manipulation is not life in my eyes.
It is easy to connect the dots after, not beforehand, to see the milestones in every business and every life. There are objectives and there is intention to guide your energy. While “goals” alone can really close the door to possibility and drain the joy from your life.

This article in Psychology Today shines a light on the failure of traditional goal-setting and the way it can take us out of life:
“In some ways both Santa Clause and The Secret have done us a disservice. Both focused on wishing something would happen and either through the process of writing it down and/or visualization, it is supposed to magically appear. Many management and self-help gurus cite research, reportedly done at Harvard or Yale universities, which describes why only 3% of Harvard MBAs make 10 times as much money as the other 97%–because they write down their goals. The problem with this claim is that no such research study exists.
Max Bazerman, a Harvard Business School professor and co-author of Goals Gone Wild, argues that rather than relying on goals, we should create workplaces and schools that foster interest in and a passion for work.
Moreover, the blind, value-free pursuit of goals without an examination of the consequences of their attainment and the cost of achieving the goals has been questioned by a few management scholars. These scholars argue that the price we pay for overly focusing on goals is a loss of independent thinking and personal initiative. The Ford Pinto, Enron’s climb to success, the rash lending practices of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, the excesses of Wall Street traders, and the lack of environmental oversight of Gulf deep water drilling, all reflect the downside of defining success as the mere attainment of goals.  Work, particularly knowledge work, requires a certain amount of creativity and judgment. Reducing complex activities to a set of goal numbers can end up rewarding the wrong behaviors.
There is an addiction in our culture to “getting more,” the “going for the goals” hype is disconnected from peoples’ authentic selves, and their values.”
Life isn’t meant to be forced.  You can’t push energy exactly where you want it to go, unless you are willing to get pushed back.  It is a fundamental law of physics, Newton’s third law of motion to be exact.  “When one body exerts a force on a second body, the second body simultaneously exerts a force equal in magnitude and opposite in direction to that of the first body.”  (Translated: if you push anything, it will push you back.)

Why, then, do we feel we need to push so hard in directions that we do not really belong in order to achieve outcomes we may not really understand or appreciate?

I dropped the goal-setting jargon from my vocabulary when I realized that every single person I admired in every walk of life was driven by purpose and each of them really brought as much of themselves to every one of their endeavors, whether or not there was a specific outcome that could or would be attained. In essence, they all have no real goals, but all have strong intention, purpose and the ability to dig in an actualize things that resonate with their skills, talents and passions. The uber-example: Steve Jobs. In this hyper-surreal commencement speech at Stanford, he sums up the sketch of his enormous life, something he never could have predicted if he were working off a “goal” sheet.  Even if you’ve watched it before, you may enjoy it again. I can never get enough: 

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Steve Jobs' 2005 Stanford Commencement Address
Drawing from some of the most pivotal points in his life, Steve Jobs, chief executive officer and co-founder of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, urged graduates to pursue their dreams an...

Next, relax. Figure out what makes you happy. You can easily realize this by making a list of things you are doing when you feel the most happy. Examples: When do I feel the most accomplished, loved, grateful, alive, fulfilled? Naturally, you will begin experiencing excitement about what the future holds for you as you begin to understand how easy it is to leverage this information for yourself. As you become more aware, experience more of that and then direct your energy with a goal. In other words, begin with the end in mind, because knowing what you really want, will cause you to instantly begin to find ways that naturally bring fulfillment.

Phyllis M. Miller


Word of the Year

My Word of the Year

It is just one little word that will encourage me to think, act & feel in
a completely different way each day this year. Feels so much better
than a big, fat list of resolutions, doesn't it?

That’s what choosing a Word Of The Year is all about. You live with
it, you let it speak to you… You follow where it leads. There are no
rules… It’s just there to be a little spark.

I’ve been thinking about my word for 2014 over the past couple of
weeks and I’m especially drawn to "Stretch" lately.

So watch for posts around how "Stretch" will show up for me (and maybe
you) this year!  Here's a few to get you going...

"Stretch" My... HEART

When the only apparent "Right" answer appears, it usually came to me or
someone I'm helping, out of coming from a place of expanding or "Stretching"
with Love from the Heart.

"Stretch" My... BODY
A happier life is when my body is in great running order too!
Stretching feels really good and so Yoga is an activity I am including

What's YOUR word?

2014 - Time for a New Vision?

2014!  Time for a New Vision Board? 

Raise your hand if you'd like an on-line class option for 2014! 
How? Leave a message here or a private message in the contact section.

Happy New Year!


What's a Vision Board?  WATCH...

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The Secret Dream Board

P.S.  Do you have secret wishes/dreams about your business, home, personal or family life?

Do you still secretly wish you had more clients? And not just any clients, but your ideal, perfect clients? (The ones you really enjoy working with and who get the most from working with you?)

Do you find yourself not saying your wish too loud because you don't want to jinx it or get your hopes up? Are you keeping your fingers crossed that this month will be better than last, or this year better than last year?

Isn't it frustrating when it seems like you're doing everything you can to make sure your wish comes true, but then it just isn't happening fast enough. Maybe you are an adult now and would like a better way to turn 'birthday wish' mode into intentions and follow a system so you are not a secret to those who are looking for what you offer.

How much is having all your wishes/dreams come true worth to you?

If you want to attract your perfect clients, new home, new work place, car, cash, vacation, etc., effortlessly, you will want more than finger crossing and hoping for the best. 



P.P.S. This DOES make a great gift but will you do this for yourself? Is it worth your energy to turn wishes/dreams into your perfect: clients, home, work space, project, car, cash, vacation, retirement, etc.? 

Invite a friend to share in the fun! Please register for this on-line class and remember to bring your pictures WITH you for the class! 

HINT: Early birds don't have wishes/dreams, they simply take action! :-)

$36. Paid in Advance
Conference line information for event sent upon payment.

Dear Stress, Let's Break Up...

Feeling Stressed Out?

Sometimes the best solutions are the simplest solutions.

Many people find the period from Thanksgiving through the New Year a very stressful time, even though we’re taught that it is supposed to be a time of joy and celebration. During this time we often are confronted with numerous conflicts and inflated, or unrealistic expectations.

According to a poll conducted by, more than 80% of respondents reported finding the holiday season to be ‘somewhat’ or ‘very’ stressful.

The Problems
Some of the more common problems we face during the holidays are:
  • Increases in traffic and more traffic delays.
  • Over committing to too many parties, social gatherings and family time.
  • Over spending on gifts.
  • Increased consumption of rich desserts and/or alcohol.
  • Over committing to sending cards with notes and baking goodies for gifts.

Solution: The Anchor
The term anchor refers to a simple technique, method, or tool, to interrupt and replace any feeling of building anxiety or stress.

Anchor Technique: Simple to Create
  1. Inhale deeply, holding it for a brief moment (about 3 seconds).
  2. As you slowly exhale, say, or think, the word “CALM”.
  3. Inhale deeply again and hold (about 3 seconds).
  4. As you slowly exhale say, or think, the word “RELAXED”.
  5. Inhale deeply, again and hold (about 3 seconds).
  6. As you exhale slowly, say or think the words “IN CONTROL”.

Go ahead.  Do it right now and experience the effect. 

Feel more relaxed? This one simple technique takes less than 30 seconds. Depending on the situation, or the level of stress, you could do the anchor two or three times successively (which takes less than two minutes).

This one simple technique applies to any stressful situation we encounter and improves our coping skills. This one method can assist us in handling all the various stressors of the holiday season. Another option is to use, or substitute your own words that you associate more with relaxation.

Additional Holiday Solutions
  • Plan longer time cushions both to leave for, and arrive to functions in a punctual manner.
  • Take a few minutes to write out what you can realistically accomplish during this busy time. Writing lists can assist in prioritizing what’s important and what’s not so important.
  • Make a budget for gift giving that fits your own budget to avoid unnecessary credit card balance buildup.
  • Practice assertive communication to be able to say no diplomatically and enforce your boundaries of contact or involvement.

The tool of using the anchor is even more effective when guided in the state of hypnosis. It’s more effective because the level, or depth of relaxation is more profound in a clinical setting like a hypnotherapy session.

How often to use the anchor process? As many times a day as needed, especially during trying times.

In Your Corner,